BEHIND THE PLAY #33

This was supposed to be the one where I answered an intriguing subscriber-submitted question about how the CPL and men’s national team should work or not work with each other. It’s not ready to go as it took me in a view different directions, none of which I’m too happy with yet. Hopefully next week.

So at the risk of alienating a few of you, here’s Five Things Most People Really Don’t Want to Hear (as they relate to soccer - for the most part)…

A lot of Canadian girls don’t stick at NCAA schools. It’s been a holy grail kind of pursuit for top female players in Canada to get a ‘full ride’ (read the fine print) scholarship to a NCAA Div 1 school. Unfortunately, we only tend to hear about the success stories (ie the players who go on to make our national team or play professionally). A surprisingly high number come back home after a year or two. Ask the right questions if you have a daughter on this pathway.

Our men’s and women’s national teams’ success does not drive youth soccer registration. It’s not an opinion. The number simply don’t lie. Particularly on the girls side. I mentioned in a previous issue that girls soccer numbers have been in decline since 2012-13. You may recall that the women’s national team won their first medal at the 2012 Olympics and has won medals at the 2016 and 2020 Olympics as well. No bump on the boys side either when the men’s team qualified for the 2022 World Cup and I don’t think our success at the Copa America with summer will be any different.

League 1 is not semi pro. And until players are actually paid we should really stop calling it that. The reality is that L1 BC is primarily a landing spot for university players to keep fit and get games through the spring summer. I’ve had a university coach explicitly tell me that their players are told the purpose of the league, for them, is to keep fit and come to pre-season camp in reasonable shape. I can’t speak for L1’s in other provinces but in BC L1 needs to move beyond being a schedule fill for university players and have a longer season than the current twelve league games.

The right level is not always the higher level. Had a parent at our club that I’ve known for a long time ask to meet with me about 18 months ago. Felt his player wasn’t being given a fair shake at making our BCSPL (highest level of youth play here). They’d been invited out as a training player but only attended four of the seven they were invited to. Consensus was “technically good but lacking otherwise, particularly mentally.” Essentially, the kid was overwhelmed in the environment by speed of play and felt a lot of pressure. The coaches were happy to have them continue to train with them once a week but that was it. Nasty emails from the dad followed saying they weren’t being treated fairly. Ended up leaving to go play on another club’s BCSPL team; one that had disaster written all over it. Here’s a bit from my reply to the dad’s farewell email,

“XXXX has found a spot on one of the weaker BCSPL teams. I can honestly say I’m happy for [them] if this is what they want. You need to recognize though that this was one of the weaker teams in the division and they have had five coaches in the last 18 months according to [a parent who brought his child to be evaluated with us]. They have already had some of their players leave that team for other BCSPL clubs.”

End result. The team was mercilessly flogged and had a goal difference of -42 over ten games. The one game they won was against the team in the division that didn’t win any. The player in question has now quit playing the game entirely after this experience.

The unwarranted pursuit of higher levels of play, particularly when led by “overly-enthusiastic” parents often kills a player’s interest in the game when they themselves can clearly see they’re in over their heads.

Let your kids fail. Let them experience struggle, doubt, hardship and learn from these experiences. It’s not our job as parents to pave a yellow brick road for our kids. You just end up with adults who are reliant on others and have no coping mechanisms for adversity.

I never did my kids’ homework. It never occurred to me because my parents never did mine and it just made no sense to deprive them of the learning process. My kids wrote their own university applications. No parent input and no hired “university entrance consultants.” My (youngest) son refused to even let me see the ‘personal profile’ element for his UBC’s Sauder application and kicked everyone out of the house when he had his video interview. He got in. In the first batch of offers despite being told by a course advisor, a couple years later, that he may have the lowest grades of anyone who ever got in. He’s proud of that because he got himself in off the back of life experiences he cultivated, hard work and communication skills. Did he get into Sauder straight out of high school? No chance. Had to persevere and develop a plan to get in once he decided that was what he wanted. Persistence, resolve, commitment.

Don’t do your kids homework. Don’t get them their first jobs (or any job really). Don’t glad-hand or berate their team’s coaches or TD’s to get them onto teams they haven’t earned. Don’t move your kid to a new club after every season they don’t win a medal. Let them sit with discomfort. Let them solve problems. Let them commit to getting better at things. Let them learn how to work through various environments and pick up the skills necessary for that navigation.

And that’s what fluid team sports like soccer provide (discussed at length in BTP #3). A platform that allows for compressed socialization. Bundles of life lessons to be absorbed at every training session and game. Opportunities to inculcate the patronizingly-labelled ‘soft skills’ that are essential for developing confidence, patience, resilience, leadership, empathy, ambition, connection, determination. And all that stuff comes, not at the “price of” but the “bonus of” knowing they’ll have to reconcile that their efforts won’t always yield success and they will have times where they are upset by this.

People talk about ‘raising kids.’ It’s far more accurate to see the process as ‘raising adults.’ An adult that has had a curated childhood and adolescence free from adversity will get found out and will struggle with the struggle of adult life at some point. And in the end you truly will have ‘raised a kid’ rather than an adult.

Let your kids fail. Allow your kids to experience it in their sports and appreciate what it provides in the long term.